The thought of knowing that I never got to tell you how much I love you, ached my heart so hard. All these years of being strong, being tough, and showing a hardened exterior.
The thought that I have lost you has never hit me so hard the way it did today, they say little mistakes lead to a monstrous disaster, well I say that, but now, it seems so real. I have tried so hard to push the thought of reality deep down my soul, but it caught up today, and I couldn't bear it anymore. When did you go, and how long has it been? What did I do to make you leave me? In a way, I think it is my fault you left, even though I know now that it was inevitable, I still think, could it have gone another way?; if I had run faster, just a tad bit faster, maybe, just maybe if I was smart enough to understand the situation and get help, you would still be here, but I guess the universe wasn’t built on “maybe’s”. I thought if I created this imaginary life where you are still with me, I would be able to fill the huge void that you left, apparently I can’t, I tried, but I can’t. I’m miserable without you, inexplicably and utterly miserable without you. This is the hardest and closest that I have come to owning up to my feelings since you left me, it has been hard without you, so hard. Everything feels different without you, all I want is to be with you again, so you would smile and tell me it’s going to be okay. I miss you, your smile, voice, anger, enthusiasm, jokes. Everything about you was perfect, you were mine, you were here, till you left, why would you leave me?, why should you leave me?, I thought it was us against the world, what would I give to see you smile at me again?, what would I give to have you scold me again? What would I give to have you back? Black Magic legend says it’s “A Life for a Life”. God help us.
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